Monday, March 5, 2012

65: Always

Elisa Estrella Bauzon 
September 9, 1920 - March 5, 2005

Cliche as it may be, but I truly cannot believe that it's been seven years since my Lola (Grandma) passed away. The years slip away like petals from a flower. Before you know it, you realize that so many have gone by and you yearn for the return of those petals. I was entering the throes of adolescence when she went away and I probably wasn't the best to her during those times. Whenever I reflect on it, I get so angry at myself and I try to make up for it by being absolutely polite to the elderly. Whenever my friends speak rudely to their Grandparents it makes me think of my Lola and wonder how they would feel if those were their last words to them, it would kill you inside. Like it kills me. She took care of me ever since I was born. She immigrated here from the Philippines to help raise my brother when he was born, shortly afterwards I came along. There are things that remind me of her; the color peach, coconut oil, Golden Girls, blue blazers, and perfumed powders to say the least. It hurts even more that she means more to me now that she's gone and she'll never know how much losing her has affected me. Even after all this time, I still think of her and when it happens that I don't I still feel guilty. I've considered having her name tattooed on the inside of my arm with the lyrics to "Dahil sa yo" signed beneath it. Nat King Cole was my Lola's favorite singer and when he came to the Philippines, he sang his best Tagalog singing this song. It's such an awesome experience listening to him sing the words. The photo above was taken several months before she passed away with my sister's old camera on her flip phone. I remember I got the phone stuck it in her face and told her to smile. She yelled "No" and quickly grabbled a comb to fix her hair. I then, took the comb and made a deep part on the right side of her hair. I told her that's how kids were wearing her hair. I took the photo and I remember she loved it. For the past seven years, this has been the photo I share with people. All the other photos need to be scanned in but hey, this photo is probably one of the best and the closest to the Lola I remember during that time.

Always,
Janel Bruan, age 21

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