170: Forgiveness Thing

I've been flipping through my old journals and found some of my old poems that I wrote several years ago.  They were all so depressing since they surrounded heartbreak. That was actually the point of using this blog to actually catalog them. Well...maybe I've been so distracted with finishing college I've sworn away from writing.

Forgiveness Thing...

How does this forgiveness thing work?
How do I even begin to say that what you have done is not an issue anymore?
With two hundred hours spent with my hands clasped together in connection to my weary lips muttering to any deity who could possibly listen at this time of night.

God? Buddha? Allah? Fuck, even Apollo?
Can you rid me of these thoughts?
How have I become victim

Yet my heavy jail cell-lids close
leaving me victim to another fool's coma.
I am a repenting criminal reliving my crimes infringed in your presence.

How does this forgiveness thing work?
Some nights these thoughts become oxygen.
The only thing to get you through the day.
A siren easing me to familiarity.
Intoxicating.
Yet you know it's wrong and making yourself stop is worse then the moment you decided to walked out of my life. Repeating 365 days of the year.
The left side of my bed lies empty remaining as a testament to the day you left.
Exhaustion takes over. Everything starts to blur.
I am at my most vulnerable. Curse three o'clock.
These are my demons I have to battle now.

So how does this forgiveness thing work? Better yet, how do I forgive myself?