The REAL 366: Reflecting on 2012

1. Well 2012...you were just a clusterfuck werent cha. I spent the majority of this year...busy. I've been taking a break from school...kinda...not really...well I'm not taking a full load. Now I'm getting ready for the next stage of my life. Grad School or something else. I guess I suffered my first post grad disappointment by not getting accepted into going into Korea. It was such a headache and it sucked to learn that it wasn't going to happen for me. I'll try another time, maybe after I get my Masters.
2. I graduated from COLLEGE! The most underwhelming achievement ever. I worked my ass off, taking summer courses every summer even before college even started! Now here I am with a Bachelors that doesn't really amount to much unless I get a Masters. At least I'm working at a Publishing Company because it's remotely close to what I studied. Now college seems so far off to me now. It seems that the long nights in the library studying and not making friends really seem far off but with the residual effects of a socially awkward person. 
3. WORKING and somehow in some way maintaining three jobs at the very same time. Also realizing that my time with Montezuma is now drawing to a close. 
4. FITNESS! Learning about my new dietary concerns and my relationship with fitness that is completely on and off. 
5. I dont know if I'll do another 366 Blog but I just might do a 366 Photo Blog. Or attempt. and do better math at the same time :)
6. Maybe the Mayans were right about that December 21st marking a new beginning because there has been so many changes going on in not only mine, but my loved ones lives. I'm going to attempt a new adventure that I'm uncomfortable with not to mention working more at Qualcomm Stadium for the Ticket Office. Jon and Rahmaan are graduating. Jon for his Masters and Rahmaan for is BA. Michelle is working on her Masters and some of my other friends are starting new jobs. 
7. 2013 Resolutions?

• FOCUS MORE ON SKINCARE AND HYGIENE OVER COSMETICS
• Save for Graduate School.
• Okay, you're eating healthier, now get into the habit of working out and incorporating at least 30 minutes of activity.

That's all. Lehgo!

Five: Songs I Couldn't Help But Like 2012

There is a reason kids to not fall behind in school. Oh really just sweep yourself into every other responsibility in life except for school. So I've been spending this past week catching up with almost eight chapters of readings that I either didn't finish reading or didn't read at all for my first cumulative exam. As an English Grad, there has never really been a cumulative exam. Oy with the poodles already.

Anywho I'm taking time out of catching with Chapter X to post a Five Post I haven't done in awhile

SONGS THAT I COULDNT HELP BUT LIKE IN 2012

1. Pitbull ft. Neyo - Tonight
I dont think this came out in 2012 but I have been hearing it a lot in the past couple of months.

2. Bruno Mars - Locked Out of Heaven

Congratulations Bruno Mars, you win. I have found a running theme of me initially hating his song and then eventually liking it, with the exception of The Lazy Song. I started really liking this song probably after seeing his performance on SNL and seeing how lively his stage ended up being. 

3. One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
My old coworker Robyn and I always said that when we first heard this song, we thought "Awwww!" But we are in no way One Directioners esp since I don't even know their names. I just go by hairstyle, esp with my students, "Which one has the messy swoopy haircut?" and then all I hear is squeals and a babel of names. Still don't know the name of the kid with the swoopy haircut.

4. Carly Ray Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
The first 50 times it played, I loved it. The last 1234987934857309845 times, not so much. But it was just that dorky cute I couldn't help but like it.
The video that introduced me to this song

5. Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble
After hearing "We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together" oh, 1394873495872348 times hearing this one was kinda refreshing with the beat. Especially with the beat, I had to really think about the fact that the person singing was in fact Taylor Swift.

Jams of the Day cue 1997

The Wallflowers - One Headlight

Matchbox 20 - Back to Good

Just another day

Chillin at Lily's new bakery

Thanksgiving was okay. Spent most of it sleeping and succumbing to my tryptophan. Did some hours at the Bakery with Lily. Coming to love the Sisig, especially since when I first had it, it was super lemon-y. I'm kind of regretting posting this especially since there is nothing of substance to post. I'm just imposing nothing to the world with this. I worked, I cleaned the house, and later I'm having dinner with Rahmaan since he didn't get to come with my sister and I to the Charger game at True North.

Clashing Hours

• I knew that it would be a matter of time before hours at the ticket off would interfere with hours at Montezuma. Had to work it out and so that leaves thursday/friday afternoons open for the bakery. Then all of January, no ticket office until my hours or my situation is figured out. 
• it's unfortunate that i'll have to drop something. I really will need to. ;(

Unexpected News and Yet More News

• Since somewhere down the line I extremely miscounted, I'll just stop counting. But this post will still be labelled under my 366 posts. 
• I learned that a little over a week ago, my long time neighbor Charles had passed away. He has lived near me for all of my life. A little over ten years ago, he started spending time with his girlfriend who lived in El Cajon, but within the past month I had learned that his children were trying to force him into a retirement home. This is where the differences of our cultural upbringings got the best of me and I wondered how could people do that to their own father. They even gave Charles housekeeper and wife two weeks to get out of the house and find work elsewhere. It has really been quite a shock, but the humdinger of it all is that his children had had him cremated without anybody knowing anything. Although Charles and I were only on salutations basis, he is someone that I had come to respect in my neighborhood. I thought he was exceptional that at his age he had a girlfriend that he went dancing with. I'll miss Julio, Conception, and their dog Lily. Julio has helped around our house and fixed things when he needed help. He even checked out my car and said that my battery's alternator needed to be replaced. I'll miss hearing Conception's voice when you know that Julio had gon fucked up. These are just changes in life that I have no choice but to watch unravel before my eyes and through the gossip. RIP Charles. 
• I am now working three jobs. How did that happen? But either way I need to figure out a way to balance it all and cut out what isn't necessary. I know which one I'll eventually have to phase out,  but I'll have to cut some things out of my life. 

340

Wait what? 340? Does that mean that there is only 26 days left in the year? then I've definitely miscounted. Somewhere down the line, I've absolutely miscounted. I apologize.

Jam of the Day. Maybe it's because of my extreme sensitivity and moodiness but I heard this song the other day, and I felt the need to sympathetically awe. Then again, if any of my friends are still disappointed about Jessica Sanchez losing to him, either way, the song is utterly sweet.

Phillip Phillips - Home

334: Veterans Day Observed

• This past weekend has been a bit stressful and cold. Saturday and Sunday marked the end of two events that have been stressful for me at work; the last Football home game and the Battle On the Midway basketball game. Whew! Work has just been so stressful because of it and I'm glad that they're over. Brought home my Dad a veterans hat from the Air Force game as well.
• Sunday I spent at Balboa Park for the Save A Life Walk. Michelle and I made shirts that had inside jokes that we had with David. Mine wasn't so much a inside joke, it's just a comment that he made when he saw a video clip of me at IMATS wearing a fedora. 

• Today I'm at Starbucks with Felix doing some work and then I'm going to visit Lily at her new bakery in National City. 

331: Life Recap

• Jon and I went to LA last weekend to visit Regine and Brandon. It was my first time going to LA without any family members with me. I was able to notice differences between the LA and SD. For example: the driving. I've heard a lot about the traffic on the highways of LA, but I didn't know how different the streets would be. Jon had to make some risky turns in order to beat the light, but if he had been careful we would've had to wait another round of lights. Also, I noticed the lack of bike lanes on the side of the street. Here in SD when people are parallel parked, people there is extra space on the streets or the bike lane that people park in. But in LA, the right lane of a street will be apart of the parking and sometimes you'll need to merge in with the left lane to pass over. 
• We went thrift shopping in La Brea Ave and Santa Monica and I was able to find some affordable items. The selection is definitely better than San Diego. 
• Saw the Korean Consulate for reference in the case that I'll need to go back to LA if I get the visa part of my application. 
• the day after LA I almost had a heart attack when I got a notification that I was low on my account. I knew I didn't spend all of my money in LA but it turned out that the FBI was finally processing my paperwork. :CROSS FINGERS: so that will go through and not be stressful. 
• This week was mostly dedicated to work. Work has been a little stressful lately since we were dealing with the Battle on the Midway, it's rescheduling due to the rain today as we as people requesting refunds for their dissatisfaction with their tickets for the Wooden Classic tickets in the Honda Center. Oy. 
• Right now I'm sitting in Starbucks trying to catch up with life. In life, I mean the beauty blog, this blog, KAMP, and other responsibilities. 
• Speaking of the beauty blog. I changed the name to abusygalsbeautyblog.wordpress.com

Until the next time I find the freedom to breathe.

322: Wizard of Oz Office and more Halloween

As I may have stated before, Montezuma decided that this year we were going to be The Wizard of Oz for Halloween. I'm still waiting to see if we're going to win for group costume since the office is still bitter about losing to Toxic Crayons last year and ruining our streak.  

I was one of the Lollipop Guild. 

I'm the one all the way on the right. Kevin was the one all the way on the left and Haley was the one in the middle. I was kinda gangstered out with the high socks. I ended up also saving a lot of money since I was just using Jon's shirt and I used my all black Reeboks and my old Field Hockey socks.

Since I was doing some of the office's makeup, Robyn asked me if I could give her some wrinkles since she was Auntie Em.

Lia as the Wicked Witch of the West

Sara as the "Cowardly" Lion. I just used her brown eyeliner to fill in her nose, give her dots for whiskers and her liquid eyeliner for her cat eye.

You have to give it to Andrew for being very into his Halloween costume as the Scarecrow. He was even asking if I could cut up some of that material and using Spirit Gum so it could stick to his face. 

A better picture of us without the sun in our eyes but without Kevin. Props to Lauren for walking around with a house on her body.

That is just going to be the 2/3 costumes that I will be wearing this yea - last Saturday I was a Sugar Skull. All that is left is my River Song DIY costume with Jon as the 11th Doctor. :)

I initially was trying for this outfit but for some reason a white peacoat that could pass for this sweater was not going to be in stores around the Fall :(

So I'm going to go for this look instead but instead of a revolver I'm going to stick with the Nerf Gun I purchased for the other outfit.

This is my River Song diary that I got over Etsy. Isn't it CUTE! I love the extra details the seller gave. :)

I'm pretty proud because counting it all up, for three costumes I've only spent around $45: $10 for the Nerf Gun, $15 for the River Song Diary, and about $20 for the Dickie Shorts. That easily beats last year since I had to get lace gloves, my Bieber TShirt, and other things. More pics tomorrow :)

318: Sugar Skull

I was a Frida Kahlo-inspired Sugar Skull at work today :)

309: Turning 22 and Future Me

I am officially 22 years old today. I don't necessarily feel old, I am just unwilling to accept the responsibilities that come with it. I woke up at 8am which was one of my small birthday treats to myself and I awoke to this letter I wrote to myself 10 months ago. I got the idea from Amanda when she posted a letter to herself regarding finishing her PhD and marrying Drew. After finishing it, I had a good cry. Let's just say, me a year ago definitely had an idea of what I would be doing a year from now...down to the habitual tendencies.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 10 months and 17 days ago, on November 29, 2011. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

An e-mail entitled A Letter from November 29, 2011

Dear FutureMe,

So here's the sitch, you're sitting on the floor of the RBR typing this letter when you're supposed to be doing everything else BUT this. You are tired; you fell asleep last night at Lestat's as Jon managed to be productive and smash seven pages into his final paper. The future is quickly approaching you, a little less than five months until graduation and you are broke as a mother. [*still am] Christmas all of a sudden became very expensive and you're trying to scrap here and there for Scott's Marvel Civil War and Michelle's bag of goodies. In the future, if you ever became bitter about the amount this present cost, just remember she buys you tons of things. Even though you never ask for it (i.e. Urban Decay Book of Shadows 3 and the Too Faced Natural Eye Palette) so purchasing these products for her are stretching out you wallet with "hypothetical" dollars in it. (*i think i'm still paying myself back with that xmas.) Romanticism is really on your bad side. I mean really. Surprisingly it's the only class you have an A in atm and PLEASE tell me that you pass with at least a C. (If so, please take a shot of whatever because right now you're trying to spew out the sublime that you don't even believe is there.) [*...THEN HERES TO ME TONIGHT!!!] Please let me know you graduated okay and at the date that this is sent you're/you've: finished your last graduating units, you've submitted your last application to teach abroad, you've taken at least ONE GRE exam (oh yeah Janel, past Janel knows you're supposed to take it then and you're probably lazy to study those cards that Jon let you borrow way back in May...oh yeah I remember). [*damn kinda got called out by my past self, but even though I don't plan on taking the GREs anymore, I do have to get on the CSET grind for my teaching credential] Also, with the date that this will arrive it should be your 22nd birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROAD! What are you doing this year? Laying around scratching your butt? [*...yes] Since Vegas happened, your 22nd birthday is drawing blanks. Are you attending dinner with your friends because they HAVE to see you for your birthday? Quiet dinner with Jon? [*Damn, I had some foresight into my future back then] How is Jon? You two are still together right? He should be in his second year of Graduate school. Hopefully he isn't punching pillows anymore because he's behind on readings. Does he know that aside from practically missing a cheerleading outfit, you're trying to be a support that doesn't teeter, that even though you may not know what it is like to be in Graduate School since (well at this point in your life) you're planning on letting Graduate School wait, you're just trying to simply, be there. Be there for when he throws down his exponentially increasing book bag on the table, lazily shuffle his books about, drop down in the chair next to you and say, "I'm tired." You're just trying to be there. Speaking of which, how did his Symposium back in March go? [*he had one  hell of a time.] He was really sad not to go to Thailand back in November, but hopefully he kicked it's butt so hard. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of Thailand like a mistress. His heart belongs elsewhere, the humid heat and death defying streets of Thailand. Yes, I knew you would chuckle there. Last night I gave him a Thai Phrase Book with an audio cd that he can listen to on his iphone. In the back of your mind you're thinking of the kiss he gave you after he saw the Thai Language book and cd.

Let's get to the meaningful stuff now.

The reason you're writing this letter is to show that while you have been procrastinating for the last mmm hour, it was worth it. That in the end, the fact that right now, no amount of concealer and makeup can hide your heavy bag, dark circles, and sleep deprived eyes. Okay lets face it, you looked like shit today. Anywho, you're fine. Being now, 22 you're moving on with a life you have absolutely no clue will turn out. Will you be at Montezuma? Will you participate in a credential program, you just don't know. It's freaking scary to think that you've probably procrastinated on several applications to Korea. [*called out AGAIN] (You applied to Korea right, the plan was Korea, Japan, Italy, and Thailand). Sure it's scary, I don't know if you circled six months or a year but heck, you'll be away from your family, Michelle and Scott especially, and Jon...and Reese Peanut Butter Cups...and Five Rolled Tacos [*I humor myself despite the seriousness that line just had]...and In & Out Burgers. You get the point, you're not sure at all with how going to Korea and them will turn out. But just think about the experience you will have and what you will bring to the table when you start the credential program.

So Janel, I will leave with you this. I'm unsure of how the future will go. I'm uncertain how tomorrow will go. But don't lose hope. Stay Strong and believe in yourself. Yes, you're quoting the same things that Jon tells you everyday when you get lazy and haphazardly do things. I'm sure Lola, Grandpa, David, and everyone you miss are smiling above knowing that you've completed such an achievement and am moving onto something even greater than yourself. [*cue the motherfuckin fetal position crying]

With Love,
Janel Bruan, age 21


I think I'll write myself another one if Korea goes through, or maybe if I am taking the credential program.

Dear Past Janel,
Thank you for that letter. At this point of my life, half of the concerns that you made are still an inevitable reality for me.  Honestly, I apologize that you probably had an idea that in a year you would have a better grip on things. You don't. You're still fighting for money and you still haven't chosen Korea or the Credential program. You've submitted a FBI Background Check, but you're waiting for the results to arrive so you can start doing the other stressful half of the application process. In the case that Korea doesn't work out, you're thinking of USD as a viable option for the Credential Program and Masters at the same time. You actually went to their School of Leadership and Education Studies (SOLES) Open House last Saturday. Honestly, you're keeping both like a selfish bitch. Right now, you know that the time is coming where you'll have to leave Montezuma. You no longer feel you're needed there, not as an isolated incident, but I guess as fate has it, it's time. Jon is about to finish up the last courses he'll need to take for Grad School. Next semester is going to be dedicated to working and finishing his dissertation. Tonight for my birthday, we're going to have dinner that I've requested to plan as to where we're going to eat. Afterward, I've invited KAMP to come along to El Dorado for drinks and dancing. I am accepting the fact that I just may not remember it...at all.
Well...that's all. I'll see you in another year. I think I just might e-mail my 23 year old self.
kBAI!
Janel Bruan, a newly turned 22-year old.

308: My 15-Year Old Playlist

Note: Before I fell in love with Meg & Dia, there was Dashboard Confessional. You're going to see a lot of that here.

• Smashing Pumpkin's Landslide
• Dashboard Confessional This Ruined Puzzle
• The Cure Pictures of You
• Dashboard Confessional So Long, So Long
• The Wreckers Cigarettes
• Daphne Loves Derby's Midnight Highway
• Stevie B. When I Dream About You
• Dashboard Confessional The Good Fight
• Alexz Johnson 2A.M (from Instant Star)
• Frank Sinatra Wee Small Hours (of the morning)
• Ryan Cabrera Photo
• Dashboard Confessional So Impossible
• Dashboard Confessional Dusk and Summer
• The Cure Just Like Heaven

late 307: Being 14,Revertigo, and Perks of Being A Wallflower

Recently watched: The Perks of Being A Wallflower

ergo

Listening to The Smith's Asleep

Ellie and I watched The Perks of Being A Wallflower earlier and I'm having total revertigo. I loved how Stephen Chbosky wrote, produced, and directed the film so the movie was made within his vision as he wrote the story, or maybe to the best of his vision. Nevertheless, the film gave the novel justice and I found myself squealing as I found chapters of the book being represented in front of me. Some stuff was taken out that I didn't mind, such as Charlie's inner thoughts on reading JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. But I felt like while somethings weren't as I imagined it, but maybe the author did and I accepted it. If I haven't completely come direct with my feelings, I loved it.

What I loved the most about is this feeling within my chest that makes me feel like the first did when reading the book. The isolation of loneliness within a high school/middle school setting and the starvation of human interaction in the form of friendship that consolidates belonging. I think a lot of people like to think of themselves as a Wallflower, like Charlie, I think the main character represents the awkwardness of transitioning to a new stage of life and the feelings we get. As an audience, we relate. Maybe not to his extent, but some of it. In the movie, Charlie was depicted sitting alone at a table and even I remember doing that at a time where I felt as if those I had believed to be my real friends had abandoned me for a silly rumor that proved no stance. But those are bygones. Seeing Charlie reminded me of that, and picking up the Chbosky's book The Perks of Being a Wallflower was especially of comfort when my friend Regine felt that I needed to read it after a big break-up with my boyfriend of the time. The confusion Charlie had felt when the friends that he had made refused to see him for an indefinite time and not knowing what to do with himself. Reflecting back, it gave me comfort in that stage of my life.

I guess what I am saying is that during that time in my life, Perks of Being A Wallflower was an iconic book that sought me through the turbulations of adolescence. Seeing that film adaptation brought me back there and it's bittersweet. I think I'm looking on with it in fondness because this book and film was really good.
As for now,

"...And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." -Page 42

306: Shoe Shopping.

JAM OF THE DAY - Iggy Azalea ft. TI - Murda Business

• Cooked my MC and Cheee for what seems liket he fourth time in two months.
• Details for my birthday are coming together. Breakfast with Jon before teaching at Mr. Carmel, Dinner with Ellie on Monday, Lunch with Keriann on Thursday, and possibly Felix...sometime this week. As well as dinner with my friends on Friday. 
• Oh and I'm going shoe shopping today.

303

JAM OF THE DAY - Sister Hazel's All For You

• HEALTH 190 is OVER! this class was a bit of a pain since I had to read four chapters in two weeks. I have to be honest, I was a little resistant while taking this class just because she didn't accept half of my work AND i already got my degree. 
• Birthday is next week and my friends are taking up my week. Monday = Jon for Breakfast, Ellie for Dinner; Tuesday = Louie for Yogurt, Wednesday = Birthday Dinner with Jon, Thursday = Keriann for shopping and possibly Felix for Dinner, and Friday = Dinner with the Michelle, Scott, and some friends. 
• Volunteered to assist with Programming for the KAMP Gala. Feeling a little extra tired. 

HAPPY 300!!!

• Wow that just means that 66 more days until the end of the year and that really puts things into perspective here. My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks, Abbey may have puppies in seven weeks and I need to get started on XMas shopping PRONTO. Hopefully this time, Xmas won't be a big pain in my ass this year and hopefully I budgeted more than enough since my friends are expensive. 
• Went to Huli's Mom's house yesterday for her Grandparent's prayer. It was the first time I saw her since David's memorial and it was nice seeing her again despite us being both so tired and me having to indulge in wine. DIONYSIS!!!
• After the prayer I dropped by Jon's Uncle's house since it was his Mom's birthday. I saw her at FilAmFest and it was another drop by. Couldn't stay too long and I was home by 11PM. 
• HEALTH 190 is almost over and I'm kinda whatever with the grade I get. I didn't really like how I would post stuff and not get credit. I did my time, why am I still taking classes? GRR!!! Well if I end up taking classes in the Spring, I hope they're Child Development. 
• Currently doing stuff for myself at Starbucks and waiting for Jon to get out of the FilAmFest debrief meeting down here. :) Let's get some work done shall we. :)

298

• FilAmFest. Taught some people how to write in Baybayin and wrote our name on a board. Had a comment about how I can't speak tagalog but I can write the script. Yeah, funny ain't it. But not knowing the language of my heritage doesn't make me less so. Shows how much of division there is within a culture when a group doesn't accept one for inability to do one thing. Not all American-born Italian's know Italian and neither do those of French or possibly those with a Native American background. 
• Saw Jon's parents. His Mom always waves so enthusiastically at me. 
• Work. Meh.
• Gas is up to 4.65 avg but I saw as high as 4.85. My poor soul. I don't think I'll have enough gas for the week. :/ Paycheck come soon. kthx

297

These past two days have been exceptionally exhausting. Yesterday was the Flood Benefit KAMP was hosting with Anakbayan SD and XPO (SDSU Fil-Am Fraternity) where we raised over $100 for Flood Relief in the Philippines

Right now Eugene, Pete and I are prepping for the Baybayin workshop we're making for FilAmFest since we're going to be in the Youth Tent together.

295

JAM OF THE DAY - Dia Frampton's Daniel

• KAMP Educational Discussion tonight which had Jon and myself pitted against each other in the battle of Philippine History. Utterly lost with Jon knowing the meaning of the Filipino KKK. I seriously cannot remember that.
• Full day at Qualcomm, stamped and shoved envelopes. Sold to a group of 131. Feeling the stress of locating undesired overhang seats when our customers are only seeking to watch the sky show. 
• KAMP's Benefit Relief show tomorrow.
• read the new pixiwoo magazine and considering some lens attachments for my iphone...and when I have money
• Just finished some KAMP stuff on the website and I"m scrambling to submit this post before midnight.
• sleepy and behind.